


to bare oneself

by Coeurire



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Dysphoria, Ficlet, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Other, SELF INDULGENT FIC NUMBER ONE BILLION COMING DOWN THE PIKE, Trans Peter Nureyev, eating sugar straight out of the carton, the experience of writing this was like, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26579614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coeurire/pseuds/Coeurire
Summary: “This is kind of a personal question.” Juno watched Peter’s hands move against the soft black fabric. He had such nice hands, long elegant full fingers that could do such things to Juno.Peter snorted. “I think we’re past the point where that would be an issue.”“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Juno scratched the back of his head. “I was just wondering...do you ever need any sort of, well, validation?”
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 5
Kudos: 120





	to bare oneself

**Author's Note:**

> the dysphoria talk is pretty brief, mostly about bottom dysphoria, but still be careful!
> 
> I didn't realize this until I was actually writing this note but this was heavily inspired by the way Juno and Peter talk to each other in the "Jay's Juno Gender Fics" series, please give those a read. 
> 
> Honestly I just got a lot of my own feelings and apparently I express them by writing about these two

“Nureyev, can I ask you something?” 

Peter Nureyev looked up from the pants he was mending. They’d gotten a nasty rip in an incident with the doors on the Ruby 7, but they were some of his favorites--bought from a tailor shop that no longer existed on a planet he couldn’t remember the name of--and he felt, with his intense skills, that they were salvageable. “Anything, Juno.”  _ Almost anything, _ whispered his conscience, but he brushed it aside; there was no way Juno could know, so he had no reason to be nervous. Yet. 

“This is kind of a personal question.” Juno watched Peter’s hands move against the soft black fabric. He had such nice hands, long elegant full fingers that could do  _ such  _ things to Juno. 

Peter snorted. “I think we’re past the point where that would be an issue.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Juno scratched the back of his head. “I was just wondering...do you ever need any sort of, well, validation?” 

“Mmm?” Peter remained steadfastly focused on his mending. “Validation how?” 

“Like how sometimes I ask you to tell me I’m beautiful, or give me special attention, when I’m having a low day,” Juno explained. “I was wondering if you needed anything like that.” 

And Peter considered. Really considered. 

On the one hand, he was not a man who liked to be open about his insecurities with the people he loved. It simply wasn’t the way things were done. He was supposed to be the strong one, the sure one, the one who knew how he felt and had no problem with it. He was supposed to be Juno’s rock and bear his own feelings quietly: file them away, write them down as Buddy had suggested, scream them into a pillow while Juno was in the bathroom. 

On the other hand.

He was mostly happy with his body. At this point, he’d modified it in all the ways he wanted to modify it. And this was the twenty-fourth century, not the twentieth; he knew, rationally, that Juno accepted and liked (and loved? Perhaps, loved?) him as the man he was. 

And yet sometimes. The wrinkles that had begun to appear on his face, and the greys he meticulously dyed. The flash of emotion when Juno ran the washcloth over his legs in the shower. Those moments, late at night, when he wondered about Juno’s previous partners. 

“I’d never object to you calling me handsome,” he finally said. 

“Okay, handsome.” Juno grinned, rakish and open, and Nureyev’s heart caught within his chest. “Anything else?” 

“Sometimes…” Peter paused, picking over his words delicately. He’d opted not to have bottom surgery for a cocktail of complicated reasons, some medical, and he was mostly happy with his decision, but once again, there was that  _ and yet sometimes. _ “Sometimes I’d like you to remind me that I...satisfy you.” 

“You mean that I have fun with you?” Juno laughed, and sat down beside Peter, placing a hand on his inner thigh. “Nureyev, you’re one of the best--” 

Peter cut him off with a raised hand. “You’re very sweet, Juno. I just mean sometimes, the less rational part of my brain thinks you might want to be with someone more...how do I put this delicately?” He liked to put things delicately around Juno. He wasn’t sure why, it just felt right. 

Juno scoffed. “Delicately? You know, just because I’m a lady doesn’t mean you have to walk on eggshells around me.” 

“I know, I just. Hm.” Peter suddenly realized the real reason he didn’t want to be direct with Juno: the fact that baring even this amount of insecurity was like flaying himself. “I was trying to say, sometimes I worry that I’m not enough of a man for you. I know it’s irrational, some misfire of the circuits in my brain, but all the same…” 

“All the same.” Juno nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for telling me.” 

He opened an arm, and Peter, usually preferring to be the big spoon or the one holding, allowed himself to be held, just for a moment. 

“Nureyev, there’s no other man I want besides you,” said Juno. “I promise. I wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t the case. I love you, and I love your body.” 

He stiffened suddenly, as if realizing what he just said. “I mean I--oh. Well.” He laughed, too long.

“I would go to the ends of the galaxy for you, Juno, I love you too,” Peter said, eyes stinging. 

“Oh. Okay.” Juno sounded as if he had expected to say something different. Something unkind, perhaps. Peter wanted to sweep Juno in his arms and tell him  _ of COURSE I love you  _ and absolutely ravish him, and that’s probably what he would have done were he not feeling so raw. 

“Okay, indeed,” he said instead, hoping Juno would keep his word about the occasional reassurance. 

Juno kissed the top of Peter’s head. “You’re so handsome.” 

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: Coeurire   
> tumblr: mothbutterfly   
> discord: August#2270


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